You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
