So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
