my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
