i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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