the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
