You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
