he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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