Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
