Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
