you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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