fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
