I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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