Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize