3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
