Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
