my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Boobs are out for the taking
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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