he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
