Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
