its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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