I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
