i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize