my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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