Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
