I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
