Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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