FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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