Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a hot homeless man
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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