What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
