yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
