he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
