There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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