i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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