Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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