What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's never too late to be topless.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
