how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
