Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
