i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize