can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
