having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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