Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
