You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
