I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
