the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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