You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
