i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
