Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
