She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
