I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
