She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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