surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
