I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
