She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
