i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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