My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
