"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
