Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
