Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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