I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
