can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
