Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
