Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize