Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
