i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
