Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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