If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
