last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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