WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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