took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize