i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
