she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
