just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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