my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
