just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
