I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
