Already got asked if we're dating
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
