I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
