never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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