Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
